Tires are Fixed = Result in 3 Mile walk

Yesterday my tires were not fixed (and this time I fortunately mean FIXED) until 5pm. I get off work at 330 pm, so when I called them then and asked how it was going and they said they might know in 20 minutes I knew I would be missing my gym. I thought of an idea though, to help make up for the loss of gym. I decided to WALK to the car place instead of staying at work for extra hours and then waiting for a ride there. I took off around 4pm and got there at about 5pm. It was about 3 miles away, so it was a pretty nice walk. Much better than doing nothing. I am still disappointed about missing, but I have to take the small victories. :-)

Also yesterday was day two of me trying to skip some snacks. I was going to just eat my afternoon snack, but I got caught in a meeting and was unable to eat it. By the time I left the meeting I was light headed and could barely focus. Bad sign right? I felt really bad. Yuck. So, I ate a fiber one bar, and then about 15 minutes later I felt better and was ready for my walk. Maybe I do have problems processing sugar, or rather processing it too fast? I guess I will find out in awhile after the blood test.

I decided to stop skipping snacks though for good, because 1) it makes me feel awful and 2) it leaves me a huge deficit of calories at dinner time which has resulted in me eating dessert for two nights in a row.

I could have made healthier choices I suppose, but if I needed to fill up an extra 200 calories just to get to 1200 calories, why not do it through tasty food right? I know... I know...

At the office today, all the boys usually order breakfast burritos, which is a true weakness for me. I ate some yogurt with oatmeal squares mixed in instead. Woo hoo. And it usually fills me up so much that I just CANT eating anything for a few hours. Probably do the affects of wheat on my system. Heh.

Tonight I am going to my friends Holiday party. What I have to wear for it is sorta lame. At least the shoes to go with it. I might stop by some place at lunch to see if I can find better ones, but I doubt I can. I had the PERFECT shoes to go with the dress last year for my christmas party, but Ender ate them when he was still in his puppy stage. They were expensive shoes too. Boo.

I hope the Holiday party food is not too terrible for me. My friend basically designed the menu so it should be good (which does not mean low in fat). I will just work out limiting portions.

Also I bought the audio book "Good in Bed" on Itunes the other night and have been listening to it on my commute the past 2 days. I am already in love with it. Have any of you read it? If so... don't tell me the end :-)

I will try to write more this weekend, unlike usual. I do plan on doing my Saturday run (1 min walk, 5 min run) and going to the gym on Sunday. Also, I will of course make a trip to Whole Foods ;-)

Planned Food for Today:
B: Activa Yogurt with Oatmeal Squares. Starbucks Doubleshot
S: Perhaps Apples
L: Either my Smart Ones Calzone or Baja Fresh B&C Burrito (half of it)
S2: Carrots, Tomatoes, Snap Peas, 5 tiny reduced fat cubes of cheddar
D: Vegetable Wellington (no idea what that is), and whatever the sides are, and part of a dessert

Planned Exercise For Today:
Not much, no time.

Actually Ate Yesterday:
B: Activa yogurt with oreo thin crisps. Starbucks double shot
L: trader joes vegetarian fried rice, trader joes vegetarian egg roll
S: Fiber One Bar
D: Turkey with Yams

Actual Excercise Completed Yesterday:
3 mile walk (to get my car from discount tires).

ps: i am soo glad my car is finally fixed!!

Discount Tires is FIRED

Discount Tires is fired. I gave up the gym to get my tires fixed, rather re-aligned, after I paid for them to do it the day before and they said they did it. So I took it in AGAIN, and they said they fixed it, and it is still effed up. It is better but it is in no way fixed. I think I am going to go to the one in San Clemente at lunch to get it fixed, because maybe they can do it right, because the one in Huntington Beach obviously cannot. Blah. I hate car stuff. I used to have a major POS car where I put in about 5k or more to fix it, and it was old sold for $200.

Enough with that. Just had to get the rant out :-)

I am sooo sore from my Exercise TV on Demand program. Lordy. I am not as sore as before, but I am still pretty darn sore. Because I missed both Monday and Wednesday working out, I am going to work out on Sunday. I have to.

Also, since I started sparkpeople (two days ago, haha) I have been within my calorie limits. Woo hoo! Yesterday I tried to not eat snacks to see if that might help. What turned out was that by dinner time I had waaaay too many calories left to consume and all I wanted to eat was ice cream or one of my oreo cupcakes that I made for my friends birthday. I think I will give up one snack, but not both. I think I will just try to give up the mid morning one, because the afternoon helps me eat less for dinner and workout harder.

Today is girl's night so I have to get to the gym as quickly as possible so I can get in a good workout.

Oh yeah, I found out that there is a store moving in literally across the street from my apartment complex called "Fresh & Easy". Apparently they are the US version of a major Uk grocery retailer. What they carry is organic produce, fresh fruit, dairy (mostly all produce and dairy comes from local farmers), gourmet style food, prepared food like trader joes. I am soo excited to see it! It is supposed to open by February. I drove by it yesterday to see how far along it is in opening. They have "Opening Soon" signs everywhere. I peaked inside the construction and they are starting to get the aisles in and their "Fresh & Easy" sign up and everything. This place has been likened to trader joes mixed with Ralphs. I hope it it good, because you can't beat a great place right across the street! woohoo! Have any of you heard of a place like this? They are opening a lot in So Cal, and Arizona and somewhere else nearby.

Wish me luck with my car (AGAIN!) and getting to the gym finally. I will get the awards out either later today or tomorrow!

Food Planned for Today:
B: Active Mixed Berry Yogurt & Oreo thin crisp 100 calorie pack. Starbucks Gingerbread Latte with Nonfat Milk
L: Trader Joes Vegetarian Fried Rice & Trader Joes Vegetarian Egg Roll
S: Green apples, Carrots, Snap Peas, Tomatoes, and reduced fat cheese cubes
D: Roasted Turkey and sweet potatoes

Fitness Planned for Today:
30 Minutes of Cardio
15 minutes of strength training

Food Eaten Yesterday:
B: Activa Yogurt with Whole Foods Granola. Starbucks Doubleshot.
L: Morningstar Chik'n patty with small hamburger bun & reduced fat string cheese. Carrots, Snap Peas, Tomatoes and reduced fat cheese cubes (like 5 tiny ones)
D: Trader Joes Vegetarian fried Rice & Trader Joes Vegetarian Egg roll. Also an oreo cupcake (bad, but I needed to eat all my calories for the day right? hahaha, jk).
Total Calories: 1406

Fitness Yesterday:
None really. Booo.

My First Award!

I have been awarded by Laura! I am beyond honored that I was even thought of for this!

I started this blog with the intention of making myself stay committed to weight loss. I have tried several times to lose some weight, or just to get healthier, but I failed every time. Even when I started to work out again this time around, the boyfriend of almost 4 years, pretty much rolled his eyes because I said this many times before. I was fed up with trying and failing so many times, and I was even more fed up with keeping on these hefty pounds that were ruining the way I felt about myself and how I felt around him in social and intimate situations. I have always been a happy girl, a girl who is optimistic and motivated, but I never used that to make myself healthier.

Through this blog and the community in this realm of blogging, and of course my healthier eating style and fitness, I have gained a new found confidence and feel like I can take on the world. I no longer fear that I will give up on working out and eating less. I now look forward to how much more I can run next time, and how much I can brag about it on my blog (hahahhaha). After all this rambling, I want to say, that I still can't believe that people actually read what I write, comment and are interested in my life and cheering me on. This is a great honor to be award this from you Laura, you have no idea :-) It has made my day...and will probably make my week :-)

This is what Laura wrote about me:

"A fellow dog lover! Cara writes daily on her post details of her life and weight loss. I enjoy reading her daily ins and outs as she pretty much picks up where she left off the day before keeping you up to date. She even has a doggie blog and they are super cute!"

So here is the scoop on the award (made aware by Laura's post)
Those people I’ve given this award to are encouraged to post it on their own blogs; list three things they believe are necessary for good, powerful writing; and then pass the award on to the five blogs they want to honor, who in turn pass it on to five others, etc., etc. Let’s send a roar through the blogosphere!

My three things are:
1. Use writing not only as therapy for you, but as a tool for therapy for someone else.

2. When you first start writing, forget about grammar and punctuation, just keep going so as now to interupt the flow!

3. Be honest. Honesty will win you great friends and great fans :-)

Now in a post later on tonight or tomorrow I will post the top 5 blogs I frequent the most! :-)

Stupid Tires

First off, my stupid tires are not all the way fixed. While driving to work today the alignment was all off. It would veer to the left really bad if I didn't hold the steering wheel (which is what I do to check the alignment, I dont do that when I normally drive). I paid to have my tires aligned so I am pretty annoyed. I hope they will just have to re-align it and nothing else. I am not sure if I can get it fixed where I am right now, or if I have to wait until I get home (about 35 miles away). Eh. Wish me luck on that one.

After what I think was an anxiety attack i felt really crappy the rest of the day. I still made myself work out though. I worked out at home instead of going to the gym. I did the same program I did a few weeks ago on Excercise TV on Demand. It kicked my ass again, although harder this time. Last time I was sore for 3 days (like where it hurt to stand up and sit down) so I hope this time it does not hurt for as long just to prove to me that I am improving.

I started sparkpeople yesterday, and found that it is MUCH better than calorie-count.com. I am excited about it! It has a lot more stuff in their system (so far from what I could tell) and it has cooler diagrams and more motivation programs. Woo hoo!

Also I have lost 1lb from the gain from Thanksgiving. Now if i can get back down to my lowest weight since I started this. I am lowering my calorie goal for the day to about 1200-1500 calories (will probably border on 1500 more than anything. Maybe this will help with some of the weight loss and will not be a complete shock to the system since I was used to 1600 for a month or so.

I am trying to give up my morning snack as well. Not sure if it will work out, but I did it on Monday pretty easily, which is pretty rare though. Also I want to make the rule of no drinking on the weekdays. Not that I am alcoholic or anything (i am nowhere near it).

It is freezing in my office and I am drinking hot tea. What is wrong here? It is supposed to be in the upper 70s today and they keep the office in the 50s or something. Lordy.

Alright, well everyone I hope you have a great day. Also give me some good wishes on getting home alright on my stupid tires.

******
Today's Planned Food:
B: Activa Yogurt with Whole Foods Granola and Starbucks Doubleshot
L: Morningstar Chik'n Patty on small hamburger bun and reduced fat string cheese
S: ?
D: ?

Today's Planned Fitness:
30 minutes cardio (tread climber or treadmill)
15 Minutes of Lower Body


Yesterday Food:
B: Fasting= Nothing
L: Spicy Black Bean and Corn patty with small hamburger bun
S: Banana & Starbucks Doubleshot
D: Drunken Noodles with Tofu and Pumpkin Pie Slice
Total Calories: 1355

Yesterday Fitness:
35 minutes of star trainer cardio blast (300 calories burned or more)

Anxiety Attack

A few months ago I went to the doctor had one of my tests came back abnormal. They told me to wait a few months and come back. I have been paranoid I am dying the entire time. Today is my day back for it. I was told to also prepare for a blood fasting test (not sure the technical term). So I stopped eating or drinking beverages other than water at 9 or 10pm.

Before I went to the doctor this morning I had to get some work done (at home! woo hoo!) and also get my car taken care of. Yesterday I took my car to Wal-Mart to get the tires fixed after the accident and they had to refuse service on me. My wheel/rim was bent too badly and they could not fix my tire without replacing that, which is something they do not do. I ended up having to drive about 38 miles home yesterday on my donut. The only way I could get it fixed in time would be if I got it done in the morning of today, and I had to get home :-) I took PCH all the way home because you can drive slower on the road than the freeway and it seemed safer (and much prettier!). It only took about 20 minutes more than usual, so that was fine. I ended up not working out though last night because I ran out of time in between making cupcakes and getting ready for the birthday celebration :-) I was annoyed that I didn't have time, so I don't feel guilty. I would only feel guilty if I felt relief instead.

So onto my story. I had my doctors appointment at 1030am, which is a LONG time for me to go without food. I get starving the minute I wake up. Heh. So I go to the appointment and they do some tests, and then had me take the blood fasting test and give a urine sample. Well, while I went to the bathroom to do the whole urine sample thing, I had an anxiety attack. It was after I had my blood taken of course, and I was already weak from not eating all day. I started feeling faint, I then proceeded to get really hot and sweaty, and cold at the same time, and then I had a few gag reflexes. I could barely stand up, I was almost too weak. I had to keep repeating to myself that I was just having an anxiety attack and that everything is fine. I have had these a few times before, and I remember all of them in detail. After a few minutes with the cold water on my hands in the bathroom I finished up the urine sample, paid my bill and walked out. I stayed in my car for a few minutes afterwards though to regain composure.

I still feel pretty weak. I did eat though! haha. But I just feel out of it. I want to go eat something sugary to help this feeling go away but then I don't want to because the whole weight thing annoyed me at the doctors. I weighed more than I thought I would, although I was wearing a hoodie, a t shirt, pants, and shoes. I will ignore it.

My plan for the day is to work from home. I am going to get a lot of work done today. I already have a goal set. If I am not done by the time I want to I will just have to finish it tonight. I have no choice. I have to get a TON done so that I can work from home again someday.

If my blood sugar is back up by 430 I will go to the gym and work out. If it is not, I will shove some sugar into my body and make myself go :-)

I hope my tests all come back normal. I am very nervous about it all, and will be paranoid until I find out. It should be about 2 weeks they said for me to get results. I wish I already knew, because I already waited 6 months, geesh.

Alright, well have a great day everyone! I wish none of you anxiety attacks, EVER!

Food (Note: I was fasting for my blood test until 1130am):
L: Morningstar Spicy Black Bean and Corn patty with small hamburger bun
S: ?
D: leftover thai food (drunken noodles with tofu)

Exercise:
30 minutes of cardio
15 minutes of weights (lower body)

Holiday Wrap Up

I hope everyone's holiday went great (speaking to those in the US of A of course)! I have been trying to think how I would sum up this holiday, and I still can't think how to do it properly. On all healthy eating and diet fronts I failed, miserably. I am not too bummed out about it, or disappointed in myself because I know I had a great vacation and if by failing the weight loss I know I am not failing myself. I am more positive about this, and am not going to dwell on it.

Boy oh Boy, Iowa was a lot different than California. At least my experience in California. Eating there was a lot different than I am used to. They cooked a TON of food, and served you Thanksgiving sized meals (almost) every meal with dessert following every single meal. I have a hard time turning down food from people who make it for me. This is probably why I have gained weight. Mike's Grandma kept giving me food to eat, all the time, and because it was good and she was giving it to me I felt I had to eat it. I never ate until I felt like throwing up or anything, but I was never really too far from that feeling. Oh well.

Somehow I only gained about 1 lb or 2 though. I feel like it should have been the average 5-6 lb gain most people have after Thanksgiving though. Hehe.

I remember eating lunch for my first time there and after getting through an egg salad sandwich and some crackers, and perhaps something more (forgot) I told Mike I was so full I needed a nap. And then 5 minutes later I was asked what I wanted for Dessert. I asked "Dessert? Are you kidding?" and they laughed at me and told me dessert came after every meal in Iowa. haha. I ended up eating only a bite of dessert and made Mike finish the rest.

Also while I was there my right foot really hurt. I guess on my 23 minute run the day or two before I had hurt my foot. I had to wear a bandage around it, and not really walk on it much the whole time I was there. I couldn't go on my run because of my foot, and because it was about 10 - 20 degrees most of the time. I did go on two short walks, and one quick burst of a run (about 5 minutes). Oh I also did a ton of push ups one day, planks and jumping jacks. Nothing was really substantial though, especially compared to all the food I ate.

I am starting the calorie counting today, even though today is my friends birthday and I am making her cupcakes (specifically what she requested, so I can't make it low fat or anything). I also will be eating thai food tonight, which I don't think is that great for you. I am trying to get myself into the lose weight mode of my lifestyle change. I am getting serious about this all today.

Problem though, is that this morning on my way to work I my left front tire hit something in the road and completely ruined it. The metal was bent in the tire and it was definitely flat. I managed to pull off the freeway and go to a gas station. After freaking out for a bit on the phone with Mike I called AAA. I didn't have membership with them, and they said if I needed help I had to sign up. I asked how much it was, and they said only $67. That is much cheaper than a tow truck so I said sure. They came really quickly and put my spare on for me. I did not have the tools to change my own tire, so I needed help. I ended up only being an hour late to work, which honestly is not that bad for what happened. Turns out a ton of cars hit the same thing and my co-worker saw about 10 vehicles on the side of the road with flat tires, and another who got into an accident because of it. Thankfully that did not happen to me.

Luckily the tire that exploded from the accident is under warranty with walmart, and supposedly it should be covered. Hopefully I can get a free new tire. I can't afford it otherwise and will have to put it on a credit card, a card I haven't used in months.

Normally I would be completely stressed out and in a bad mood, but my vacation helped my perspective. Also, when I got into work I complained about my tire for a bit, and then a co-worker told me his step dad had a stroke over the holiday. Now that is MUCH worse than any tire situation I have ever had. So that helped my perspective for the day.

I hope that I can fit in a workout at home today, and cook cupcakes and make it to my friends birthday.

Oh yeah, I also may be getting sick. My ear really hurts, and I think I have an enlarged lymph node near it. Also I have this weird rash all over my arms. I hope it is just an skin allergy from soap or detergent and not something really weird.

Thankfully I have plans to go to the doctor anyway tomorrow so it should be okay. I have to get a follow up blood test and a pap. My last one came out abnormal. They said no sign of cancer, and of course no STDS (been with Mike for almost 4 years, and neither of us have cheated) so I am not sure what it is but have been freaked out about it for 5 months. I am just paranoid I am going to have cancer and am dying. Its probably crazy, but tests that come up abnormal are scary.

I guess my rash or whatever, and my tire, and my ear problem is nothing in comparison to a family member getting a stroke or me having cancer. Here is to hoping that everything is fine.

Plans today for food and workout:
B: Nonfat Yogurt with Whole Foods granola
L:Organic Bean and Cheese Burrito
S: Kashi oatmeal cookie
D: Drunken noodles with tofu (at crazy spice level for the cold)
D: Cupcake (partial, i hope)

Workout:
1 hour cardio kick box class on Exercise TV on Demand.

I Have Been Tagged

I was tagged by Bri. Here are the rules (which I also stole from her): Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs let them know they are TAGGED by leaving a comment on their blog.

5 Weird things about me:

1) I am allergic to chicken, but not eggs.

2) I hate diet coke, but have cravings to drink it all the time.

3) I am terrible at telling stories, and all my friends make it worse for me because for some reason they LOVE to interrupt me and side track me during my story. Maybe they are THAT bad that they need a distraction from it? Either way I have spent YEARS trying to get better at telling stories.

4) I am unable to touch my toes without bending my knees. I haven't been able to do so ever I think. I have zero range of flexibility. (Maybe because I HATE to stretch).

5) The hoodie I am wearing is an XL in kids from Old Navy (only fits because I am SHORT 5'1", and because children are apparently allowed to be a lot bigger than I remember before moving onto juniors).

You have been tagged!
Grrl Power
Waist Basket
Pieces of Me
Back to Beautiful
Running Rose

23 Freaking Minutes

Yesterday I ran for 23 minutes straight at 5.0 mph on the treadmill. 23 freaking minutes straight. Last time I tried to run longer than 5 minutes I felt sick. I made it to a mile a few times in the beginning of this whole getting into shape thing, but I seriously felt sick during this. In my 23 minutes STRAIGHT of running I felt fine. I could have gone on longer, but I didn't want to hurt myself. I am very proud of myself.

I also did 15 minutes of upper body weights! Woo hoO!

Too bad that today, even though I thought I would have time to go to the gym, I won't.

Mike and I thought were going to be dropping our pups off in the morning at my mom's, but it turns out it would not make any sense because we have will be leaving at 10 am (not 11 am) from LAX tomorrow morning (not the Orange County airport). Mike didn't realize we were leaving from LAX until last night.

He has class until 11pm tonight (10pm at the earliest) so it makes the most sense for me to go to my parents ALONE and drop the pups off. My parents live in the Lake Arrowhead area, and it SUCKS to drive there and back, especially with two dogs in the car ALONE. I will probably leave at 630pm to avoid some traffic and probably won't get back until 10 to 1030 tonight. Then we have to wake up at 4am to leave the house by 5am to get to the airport (HOPEFULLY!!) by 7am. LAX will be hell tomorrow. Its one of the busiest airports anyway, and the day before Thanksgiving! Geesh.

I am really excited for my trip, just not this drive tonight. I wish I had people I trusted to leave my pups with closer. I don't trust dog kennels because I have heard too many horror stories.

I am going to bring my running shoes and will hopefully be able to get a few runs in in Iowa. Any tips on running in 26 degree weather? Just lots of clothing? Will it hurt my lungs at all? Anything dangerous about it?

I need to finish up today's work today and then prepare for tonight. I might not be writing much over the holiday because I am not sure if I will have internet or not. Wish me luck. I need it.

Have a great holiday!!!

The Wagon is Bumpy

Today is one of those days where you don't want to report what you did over the weekend because it was a complete fall off the wagon. Heh. Well not complete. But nothing one would be proud of report on.

Lets just say that I drank a lot of my calories this weekend. Heheh. We watched lots of basketball and then social situations occurred and I broke. Oh well.

I ate some "bad" food but I never ate much of it. I basically only ate 2 meals everyday all weekend, with no snacks. It was odd for me. but it worked out. I might have even stayed within calorie limits because of that.

I am just really excited for five days off. I am going to Iowa! I think that I will be brining my running shoes and going with Mike on a run around there. It will be freezing there (20s) (I am a California girl, so the 20s are FREEZING to me) but I think if I dress warm we can have a good run. It should be nice because we can burn off the calories from Thanksgiving and see the area. I am really excited to be out in the middle of nowhere. I never get to go to places like this, so it should be a great break. Mike said he would run with me, so that should be nice.

Oh on Saturday we did end up going on our run. We did interval running, where we ran 5 minutes, then walked 1, until we hit 30 minutes. We went MUCh further than usual. I think I could totally do a 5k now without stopping, but am going to continue the interval training to build up all the muscles. Mike really needs to build up the muscles surrounding his knees, and I need to build up the ones in my hips because they still die every once in awhile after running. They have definitely improved, but they are not cured yet. If they ever could be?

I went to Whole Foods yesterday. I was shopping for all kinds of food then realized I would only be in town for 2 days. So I had to slow down the amount of food purchased. But I did make my own peanut butter! I didn't know you could make it there, and it was AWESOME! I can't wait to try it!

Alright, I will be going to the gym today and keeping the calories much lower. Oh yeah, I now have more motivation to lose weight a little faster. I have to go to a wedding on December 29th and the boyfriends ex-girlfriend who is super skinny will be there. She is prob not super skinny out of good health though, she was doing a TON of drugs (speed/crack) in the last few years (classy right?) so I won't feel too bad being at my weight especially since I am not using SPEED to stay skinny! BUt still, you want to look as good as possible around the ex girlfriends though, yea know? hehe. At least I will have much better skin, and will live longer (if crazy accidents don't happen). Anyway, I think I will use that lameness as my motivation to not pick up the fork and eat mounds of pie, or an extra side of mashed potatoes, etc.

My plan for Food Today:
B: Trader Joes Pumpkin Bread (this will have to be my last day of it, it has been around too long)
S: Whole Foods trail mix (I only bought one serving!)
L: Caprese Pasta Salad (whole wheat pasta, which might kill me, but might not)
S2: Snap Peas, Carrots, Celery & bits of cheese (little veggie pack my store sells)
D: Fake chicken breaded cutlet on bread. Mmm.

My Plan for Workout:
30 Minutes on Treadmill
15 Minutes on Weights

Have a great week!

It Could Have Been Worse

Friday did not work out as planned. I blame myself partially, and my apartment complex for making me have to deal with my garage situation. BOO to them. I had to skip the gym because I had to deal with that, and then when that was done I was STARVING. Then because people were coming over we had to get some food and drinks for entertainment. And by the time I got home it just didnt happen. BOO.

BUT.... once the apartment maintenance guys come over to fix our stove (which has been broken since we moved in) Mike, I and possibly Teddy are going to go on our Saturday run! :-)

Also last night, although I only had cereal for dinner (that is the food I want when I am beyond starving and don't want to even spend enough time to make a sandwich) I did drink several beers. A lot of people were over, and it calmed the social anxiety. Oh well.

Its a new day. I need to stop with excuses and the complaining.

Plans today: run, laundry, and watch French Movies tonight.

We might go to a French cafe place that is nearby. I have never really had French food, so it should be interesting. We have wanted to try it for a long time and since we are having a French Movie marathon tonight we thought it was appropriate.

I gotta head out. We still have friends over.

Denial

So after a kick in the ass (just kidding) from Randi I decided to go to the gym TONIGHT instead of waiting for Saturday :-) Well also because I ate a horrible lunch.

My plan was to eat my salad but my boss was keeping it hostage in the lunch room (who else has their meeting room and the kitchen in the same spot?) and I was DYING for a burger for some reason. I hardly EVER eat meat, especially burgers (I generally hate them) so I figure when I do crave them it must be for vitamin deficiency's reasons. haha.

I got a kids meal version of it though so it was smaller. But I did have some fries, which is fine because that is my second time eating fries in 5 months. Last year at this time I would have been on the 20th or so time.

I really did okay working out this week though. I went to the gym Monday, kicked my freaking ass with Exercise TV On Demand on Tuesday, did some yoga/pilates stretches for 30 minutes on Wednesday, nothing on Thursday and now gym today and run tomorrow :-)

But Randi made a good point when she said that I need to think about two different lifestyle changes, the step to losing weight healthy and then a subtle change to maintain it. Apparently I have just been in denial. I thought I could 1600 calories and workout and lose weight, but I was WRONG. or rather Calorie Count was wrong. Maybe I just dont want to cut more calories okay? hahahhaa.

I am sure I CAN get myself to only eat 1200 calories a day, but I have no idea how to do it. As in, what can I eat for 1200 calories and not die of starvation? I know... I know... I am being dramatic. hahaha. I can figure it out. No more dessert every night for sure. I heard a challenge that was going on where you give up dessert until end of the year. I dont think I would survive. I could once a week though. I will think about this and get back to you :-)

Please continue to leave me comments kicking me out of denial every so often. I need it! I promise to do it to you too :-) hahhaa.

Tonight's goal: instead of ordering pizza with the boys i am going to eat my weight watchers calzone tonight. Sounds tasty and cheap to me :-0

Friday

So due to traffic last night I was unable to make it to the gym. If I had shown up it would have been so packed that I would have to wait for 30 minutes to run on a treadmill or whatever cardio machine opened up. Oh well. I did instead go to Trader Joes. Yes, I went to buy calories instead of run them off. Hahha. At least the food I bought was low in calories and pretty healthy. I plan on making up for this missed workout by working out on Sunday, which is usually my day off.

On Friday's Mike and I usually go to the park with the dogs and do pull ups and what not on their exercise course. But now when I get home it is too dark and scary. Even though I live in Huntington Beach it is still creepy in a pitch black park where I have seen many coyotes or wolves (not sure which) at night.

I am getting annoyed again with the lack of weight loss. I know if I just cut down my calories more I could lose weight quicker, but I know that is not a real lifestyle change, it is a temporary change. I do not want to do temporary changes. I feel temporary changes are just that, temporary. If the change is temporary the weight loss will be temporary. I may lose weight a LOT slower than most people, but oh well, its not a competition to me.

Also my muscles are looking nice and I am toning up a lot, so I know its not for nothing. Also my skinniest jeans I own fit me now. My friend who is only about 100-105 lbs wears the same size but they are baggy on her. On me they are not entirely tight, but nowhere near to loose. I am 20 lbs + more than her, but can still fit into the same jeans? Is this because I have massive muscles that take up a whole lot less room or something yet weigh as much as bricks? hahhaa. I dont know. Anyone else ever think about this?

Maybe its just my massive boobs that everyone tells me I have. This is a complete joke, because I am only a B, but because I am short (so people say) they look big. Admittedly they did grow in the last few years, but I think its only because I gained weight. Or maybe because I went from a "normal weight" from under weight they decided to grow. All real options right?

On a side note, I have another blog that I have kept up for several years now, it is just a pure entertainment style blog, about dogs. I hardly ever write in it. I think because no one really keeps me going on it. On here, people are starting to leave comments and I am going crazy with joy. I had no idea people would care what I had to say, because no one ever seemed to care before, and I have been blogging for 7 years now (not just the dog blog). Readers you really make me commit to this more and are really keeping me going and keeping me happy & strong. Thank you! I appreciate it more than you know. And now I am cheesy.

What are your plans tonight? Any good weekend plans? Tonight I will be watching basketball on tv (a recorded game so no one tell me the score of ANY basketball game, I won't tell you which game it is in fear that I might find out). Saturday will be a day of running and laundry. Sunday will be getting stuff done. I am beyond excited for next week, where I only work for 2 days in office, and then get 5 glorious days off! I will need to do some work during those 5 days, but still, I won't have to wake up at 5am for 5 days!! Well, at least for 4 days... but thats another story.

Alright, have a great weekend.

Yesterday's Food
B: Trader Joes Pumpkin Pie Bread & Starbucks Doubleshot
S1: Kashi Granola Bar, chocolate & cherry (amazing)
L: Smart Ones Calzone & reduced fat string cheese
S2: Apple & 100 Calorie Fudge Stripes
D: Trader Joes black beans & veggies quesadilla (only 290 calories!) and fat free refried beans & spanish rice

Today's Food
B: Trader Joes Pumpkin Pie Bread & Starbucks Doubleshot
S1: Kashi Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie
L: Trader Joes Pear & Gorgonzola (no dressing, because most dressing is gross to me), and reduced fat string cheese
S2: Veggies & Apples
Dinner: No idea, but I have been craving a burger all week...

Gym Class Practice

So I wimped out on going to the Camp24 class at my gym. After dealing with my garage door nonsense, I was STARVING. I knew I couldn't do a great workout unless I got some food into me. So I decided I might as well try to workout at home, with Excercise TV on Demand. I then got the bright idea that doing some of their cardio workouts could be like practice for me for when I take a real class at the gym. I am sooo glad I had the practice, because I really am terribly coordinated. hahahah.

I did one program, it was a Carmen Electra workout (yea know the strip tease one). It was not what I expected. It was just about getting your muscles toned and strong in the areas you would need to use for doing a strip tease. haha. That one was fine, because it was mostly ab work, push ups, etc. This program was 22 minutes.

I wanted to do a longer workout (in total) so I decided to step it up a notch and try the cardio kick box program they have. I tried one a few months ago and I could in no way get coordinated enough in the workout to even use my muscles right. I needed to do it in slow motion or something. This one was different in that it really didnt have THAT many coordinated steps. There were enough to mess me up a bit, but I really felt the workout. It was basically 35 minutes of squats, lunges and running in place with short bursts of push ups, planks and arm movement. It was one of the hardest workouts I have ever done. I was literally sweating bullets. Hahaha.

I am sore today as well. I knew I would be. It was definitely tricking my body. hahaha. I think I am going to try to do this kinda thing at least one day a week at home. Not the same videos (they don't stay on the channel forever) but essentially some core work and then some cardio work on the videos. I think this might help me get some improvement and prepare me enough for real classes at the gym.

Apparently on the Exercise TV (which I am checking out right now) you can create your own workout plan. I am going to completely check this out and report back later with whether it is cool or not. haha :-)

Today my plan is to go to the gym tonight (since dog park is not going to work out today). I will also be eating out for lunch today. Not sure where yet. But if I can't decided on anything I packed something just in case. :-)

My plan for food today:
Breakfast: Trader Joes Pumpkin Bread
Snack1: Kashi Bar
Lunch: No idea, but will keep it around 400 calories
Snack2: Apple & Veggies
Dinner: Nates Fake Chicken Tacos, Beans and Spanish Rice

Garage Door is LAME

My morning did not start off as planned. My garage door held my car captive for the fourth or fifth time. I could not open it, nor was there another way to enter the garage. I have been late to work four or five times because of this. And the excuse sounds super lame. My garage door is holding my car captive. It almost sounds like "my dog ate my hw". Too bad this is true, AND, Ender DID eat Mike's HW literally when he was a puppy. Hahaha.

The problem is that I leave for work at 545am, and the maintenence guys do not start work until 7am or 9am (not sure which). So I had to call the "emergency line" and the head of maintenance had to be woken up to open the garage for me. I felt bad for it, but then again why the hell doesnt my garage ever work? This is unacceptable. If I worked at more of a cut hroat place I could potentially get fired. So lets hope this situation gets fixed. I sent them an e-mail explaining everything, in a stern tone. I could have called, but I always wimp out when I call. They have not gotten back to me yet though. They probably don't know what to say. But this really does need to get fixed today, and not happen AGAIN. I pay almost 1500 a month for rent at this 2 bedroom place, I think they can afford to fix my garage. LAME. By the way, the people who do not live in Southern California, this in no way means that I live in some fancy apartment, because I do not. I live in an average apartment. AVERAGE. yes, an average apartment costs more than my parents mortgage.

Anyway, aside from that mess, everything else is going alright. the headache is only slight today, so maybe it will start to work itself out.

Do you know anything about decongestants making you feel more dehydrated? Whenever I take it I feel thirsty all day. Oh and hungry. Maybe it just makes me dehydrated, which in turn makes me hungry (dehydration is often mistaken for hunger). Interesting revelation for me. Hmm. I need to be extra careful to drink a TON of water when I take decongestants.

I have to go talk to the apartment management this evening. I thought it would cause me not to go to the gym, but I think it will just allow me to go to a class tonight at my gym! I will be soo proud of myself if I get the nerve up to do it. I normally am the ipod girl who doesnt want to talk to anyone at the gym. In a class I might have to talk to people and be social. hahaha. Wish me luck!

Food Eaten/Planned
Breakfast: Raspberry Yogurt & Whole Foods granola
Snack 1: Trader Joes Pumpkin Pie bread
Lunch: Black Beans/Rice/Corn/Tomatoes/Chips/Mozzarella dish. Mmmm.
Snack 2: 2 tootsie rolls
Planned Snack 2: Carrots/Sugar Snaps few pieces of cheese
Planned Dinner: 2 Empanadas, beans and Spanish rice.

Anyone have the case of..... the MONDAYS?

I really had a great weekend, but do not feel good today. Unfortunately it is not because I had such a great time this past weekend. I have had a sinus headache for almost a week. Some days, and some times of the days they are worse, and others better. I am going on a full fledge way of getting rid of it today. I will drink ALL kinds of tea, and use the nasal wash thing, and use heat compress this evening. This usually does the trick after a few days. Usually I am in denial of the sinus infection starting until it is too late. But this time I am going to get it before it gets too terrible.

Other than the everlasting headache, like I mentioned already, my weekend was great. Food wise, it could have been a bit better, but I think overall it went alright. I didn't end up going to kick boxing on Sunday morning though, which I am disappointed about, but it was because my headache is worse in the morning and I knew I would fall over and die if I went. Hahah. I do not get migraines, but I get killer sinus headaches for weeks straight. Great right? right................

Anyway, Friday night I ended up just eating at home with Michael. We were going to go out to get some food, but we were too tired and too lazy. Hahah. We went to bed really early, which was what I needed.

On Saturday I went on my run with Teddy and Mike. We kicked ass again :-) What was better about the run this time was that I was not dying until the end. That was a surprise. Maybe my training at the gym HAS been helping.

I also went to Whole Foods again, on Saturday. Woo hoo! I got a lot of fun foods. Empanadas and their salsa (again), some low fat corn chips (Italios I think), granola, yogurt, pink lady apples, a pretzel veggie dog and some other stuff I cannot think of right now. Can you tell I am obsessed with Whole Foods? If not, I am.

Later that night Mike and I went to the movies with my friend Andrea and her boyfriend. We saw American Gangster. For some reason I thought it would be terrible (I think russell crowe is cheesey) but it ended up being pretty good. Everyone I went with thought it would suck, so they didn't like it as much. Oh well for them.

On Sunday I actually went to breakfast with Mike. Note: i did not eat out the rest of the weekend, which I usually do. Also, I am just realizing how much I did NOT go out to eat. Awesome! Anyway I got french toast, but no eggs or bacon on the side. That is step up for me, even though French toast is really not the greatest thing to be eating. Oh well.

The rest of the day I just lounged around with Mike, cleaned some of the house up, and then cooked dinner. I ate practically NO snacks all weekend, which I think makes up for my potentially fatter meals. Also we watched Dexter last night. Soooo good. I LOVE that show. We also watched Six Feet Under last night (I have every season on DVD) and it was also amazing to watch it again. And I am listening to the song right now that was on the last episode of Six Feet Under. Sooo goooooooooooooooooood.

Oh also Teddy gave us her old rice cooker! So we will be making rice a lot in the next few weeks. High in carbs, but great for meals.

I made brown rice, with cinnamon and sugar with Milk, and ate it for breakfast. It is basically like a horchata tasting oatmeal. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Delicious. And I added the calories for it, and it really isn't that bad. I will see if it makes me starving shortly after, but it has already been about 2 hours and am almost the opposite of hungry (mostly because my tummy does not really prefer whole grain foods).

Does anyone else have the problem with whole grain or whole wheat foods where they just get exceptionally bloated? I know I am slightly allergic to wheat (not gluten) so it might be why. But then what if it is just normal for everyone to feel bloated after eating the same stuff. Is it? Do I just need to train my body to cooperate with it? It ended up handling my oatmeal squares pretty well, after a few days....

Maybe the bloated feeling is what makes people not hungry when they eat whole grains or whole wheat. Maybe not? Let me know! This has been something I have wanted to know for a long time!

Also, I made another great meal this weekend (in which I ate for dinner (of all things) two times in 24 hours. Whole Foods amazing granola submerged in fat free yogurt (not the splenda kind though, because splenda tastes disgusting to me), with a whole cut up apples. It is basically like eating apple flavored yogurt with granola. hahah. More apple than yogurt, but amazing nonetheless.

Thanks for your input (ahead of time, if you are so generous to respond)!

Have a great week!

Friday!

Im still not being perfect on the calorie count thing. I know, not good. This is the only thing I am failing in. My comment from Lady Vea is giving me more hope. If I keep this up for a little longer I will really be able to LEARN everything about what I eat, and just use what I learned as a guide or baseline. I just need my brain trained :-)

I think I have learned a lot so far, but there are still some combos of meals that I am not sure about. Especially now that I am going to Whole Foods, where I get to try out new meals. I was shocked by how much an empanada was, calorie wise. Well at least by looking up how much others were. The one from Whole Foods might not be as bad as the ones listed on Calorieking.com. Hmmm.


Normally I eat out on Friday but I ate out 2 days this week, and I am broke right now, so I am not going to eat out. I brought a lean cuisine pizza thing. mmmm. It is like a Friday food, but without as much guilt :-)

Last night I ended up going to the gym and trying to do weights before cardio as Lady Vea suggested. Aside from my routine being broken (which I am big on, haha) it worked out really well. It was really weird to do it first, but I am going to give it a try for at least a week to see if a new routine will be better.

I also hung out with my friends last night for girls night. My friend Andrea moved into town a few weeks ago and joined in. It was a good time. I feel you alwyas need at least one day a week where you can just bitch to your friends about work and everything else. AND watch cheesey television. aha.

Also by the end of the night I decided it would be a good idea to try on clothes that used to fit me. Turns out my small Gap jeans fit pretty well, almost comfortable. I also proceeded to try on some dresses I wore as a sophomore in high school, one of which fit me my sophomore year of college (when Mike and I first met). They unfortunately did not fit, AT ALL. hahaha. But when I wore them I was about 98-108 and I am definitely not that now.

My weight has really been up swinging again, but I am blaming TOM right now. I could use the excuse that my body and my muscles are not capable of weighing less, and that is just the way I am. I would be mistaken though. My Aunt, who is about 58 and has the same body sa me, weighs 115, basically 10lbs less than me. She runs 5 miles every single day, and does weights. The only thing with that though, is that she was bulimic before, so I should probably not compare myself with someone who has/had eating disorders. Or maybe it doesnt really make a difference. I honestly dont know enough about it to know. But I do know that eating disorders run in my family.

I still have no idea exactly what goal weight I want. But I do know I want to be able to run 4 miles at some point soon without stopping. I probably could still only do one, but I bet I could do it a lot faster now than ever before. I want to try it out soon. And I might do just that.

Also, I am beyond nervous about the class on Sunday, but I will pull through. I went to Judo classes by myself for 1.5 years, I am SURE this will be much less invasive. I will not have to wrestle with sweaty boys, I will just have to get sweaty myself :-) I wish judo classes were cheaper though.... that was the best workout of my life....

Have a great weekend everyone! My plans are just to go on a date tonight with Mike, then possibly head out tomorrow with Andrea and her boy, and then on Sunday do laundry and go to Whole Foods. :-) I will probably post this weekend, but I make no guarantees.

Sooooooooooooooooo tired.

Yesterday I found out that Mike's mom was in town. She asked us to go out to dinner in Dana Point at the fancy hotel she is staying at (for work). I love seeing her so I agreed. Turned out we wouldnt be meeting until 9pm, but oh well. I knew I couldn't wait to eat dinner until 9pm so I had a snack at home. I ate too big of a snack though. It could have been my dinner, and I still was going to dinner with Mike's mom. Ooops. I was thinking maybe I could eat a salad there. But that is not what happened. There was one salad that looked good, but I didn't have enough time to convince myself that I should get that. In fact when I was ordering I had no idea what to order until Mike blurted something out for me. hahhaa.

The restaurant we went to was the kind of place that featured super fancy food like on Top Chef. I ended up ordering the Pork Chop meal, although not your Mama's pork chop. It was the most tender pork chop I have ever had. It was a tiny serving (it was fancy and that is how fancy does it) which was nice. I only ate half of it. I wasn't hungry when I ordered it but I did want to taste it. I know I should only eat when I am hungry but I was in front of the boyfriends mom and everything on the menu was over $32 per meal, so I had to try some :-)

It was delish. So were the veggies. Mike ended up ordering a pear tart type dessert. I had a few bites of it. Everything was so fancy and amazing, it was ridiculous.

I completely blew the whole calorie counting thing I was doing yesterday. Completely. Oh well. Life goes on.

I was telling myself yesterday and this morning and about 15 minutes ago that I am going to quit the calorie counting because it is soo annoying. But.... i don't think I should be able to quit it until the reason I want to quit is not about how I am actually just failing at it. Hahah. I dont think I should quit until I have a better idea of some good daily menus for myself, and get some freaking self control.

Oh on the exercise front, I went on a short little jaunt with the pups and Mike. We basically sprinted our entire complex, and then walked around it one more time. It was better than nothing, which is what I really wanted to do.

I ended up not getting home last night until around 1215, and then woke up at 5am (which ended up really being 520 with the snooze). I have not gotten sufficient sleep all week, so today is going to be awful.

I went to starbucks this morning and ordered the venti (which I never get) peppermint mocha frap light. Supposedly it is a triple shot. I can feel it working, but I dont think that I will be able to stay awake very well today without some sort of stimulant. Hahha. I am going to have to avoid the candy in the break room today!

Because I drank the high calorie drink I am going to just eat my salad for lunch. I have a leftover half of burrito left from yesterday, but I might just take that home and eat it tonight.

Oh I guess there is one more thing keeping me going today, and that is that my brand new Gap Jeans, a size bigger than I bought a few years ago, are falling off!! Woo hoO! The size smaller than these were jeans I tried to fit into for 2 years. I bought my size smaller pair at a point where they were kinda small on me. I told myself I wasn't allowed to get a bigger size because then that would give me an excuse to keep gaining weight. The smaller size fits, but not as comfortable as I would like. Well, when I tried them on last they fit but not as well as I wanted, which was probably 3 weeks ago. I wonder what they fit like now. Hmmm.

Is it egotistical to want someone that I havent seen in awhile (like a friend) to exclaim how I look so much more fit compared to the last time they saw me? Well I do, but it hasn't happened. Disappointing.

I am the type of person who will notice a new hair cut, a new pair of jeans, a new sweater and mention it. Most other people aren't like that at all, until I mention something about them. I am hyper aware of all this stuff and everyone else seems to be as aware as a coma patient.

Tonight is girl night, which usually results in me staying up late. I hope that tonight will be different. This weekend I am going to sleep a lot. I need recovery. Hahah.

The only thing keeping me going right now is the thought that in 13 days I will have 5 days off. FIVE FREAKING DAYS OFF!! Can you tell I am counting down?

Hump Like its Wednesday

I used to write that line in all my e-mails to my friends. Now all my friends work and they prob don't want their boss seeing that. Hahah.

Anyway, TOM has officially arrived, and if you wanted proof, you could just see it in what I ate last night. Or at least what I ate after dinner. I ate a few mini candies and a mini ice cream bar thing. LORDY. It could have been more I suppose, but I already went over my calories for the day so that was NOT good. Oh well. I blame the hormones and the killer cramps. hah.

Last night though I kicked major ass at the gym. Thankfully (for my sanity) i don't work out now just to burn calories. I work out to increase my endurance and strength. This keeps me going.

I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes (although it was interval so not a full 30 minutes). I did 2 minutes at 3.7 mph and 4 minutes at 6.5 mph. The 6.5 mph was only kept up for the first 2.5 fast intervals. The last three went from 5.5 to 5.2 to 5.0. I was DYING by the end.

I think you are supposed to run to the point where you can keep up a convo. I definitely could not. Maybe it is bad. But it felt really good, aside from the feelings of wanting to die. Hahaha.

I tried to do weights afterwards but I was so dead from the run it sucked. I was trying to do what I normally do but I couldn't get enough oxygen to my muscles to handle what I normally do. Maybe I shouldn't work out that hard on the run if it prevents me from working at other stations.

Oh, so last night when I went on my run, I was not wearing pants that were very conducive for a good run. The pants I was wearing are really loose and cause my thighs to rub together. It was so bad I have cuts on them and will walk like I just rode a horse for hours if I wear the wrong pants. They aren't like bleeding cuts, but they are red and irritated where they were rubbing. It still hurts today. I was forced to not wear jeans today because they might hurt me. I am never wearing those pants again to work out in. Lordy. Stupid thighs.

I remember a teacher I had in college, who was probably my second favorite teacher, talked about how she overheard these girls at my school complaining that their thighs ALMOST touched. She was like they dont touch? Are you CRAZY? I dont think mine have ever NOT touched.

When you think about it, a weight loss goal of your thighs not touching is kinda weird. At least for thighs like mine, which are built like industrial pistons. Hahah.

Anyway, so what I wanted to write about on here today is that I think I really need to switch up my routine with a class. My goal this weekend is to go to ONE class. There is one at a nearby gym at 10am (which is late enough) and I really want to go to it. Whether I have to go alone or not I think I am going to go. I think I am ready now, physically to at least withstand 30 minutes of the class. I didn't think I was capable of it before, and now I think I am physically fit enough to do it! Maybe not coordinated enough but thats another story.

I think I am confident enough in my body to actually go. I will be beyond proud of myself if I can pull it off.

Anyone have any tips? I think it will be a kick boxing cardio class. Anyone else ever been to one?

Tuesday

Last night was nuts. For me. Good thing I am not going to have kids, because I could not handle it. I don't know how people do it. I thought I had good time management skills, but I have nothing on people with kids.

I get overwhelmed when I have to deal with 3 phone calls in one night. Hahaha. Maybe it is just the way I deal with phone calls. Hahah.

Anyway, last night involved a trip to the gym. 2 hours before the gym I started developing a headache. It felt like the headache was in my throat though. Sounds weird, right? right... But really my throat wasn't sore but I just had a headache and the pain felt like it was in there. Hahah. Weird, yes.

I took some headache medicine and some allergy pills, in case it was just allergies. I started feeling better by the time I got to the gym, but I still didnt want to physically run on the treadmill. I wanted to in my head, but I couldn't physically do it. I instead went on the tread climber for 45 minutes. Then I did the whole lower body circuit thing at my gym. it was nice.

It was weird though because by the time I got out of the gym it was pitch black outside. Gah. I didn't think it would get dark that fast. Oh well :-(

This means Wednesdays will now be runs at the park instead of dog park. BOO.

I plan on eating well today. I have a Trader Joes southwest salad packed away for lunch :-) And then for dinner I am not sure what I am going to try. Perhaps some of my fake chicken :-)

TOM starts today or tomorrow (thank you BC for letting me know!). My tummy already does not feel happy. Oh well. This means weight goes up and I will have to have SUPER motivation to work out today and not eat fast food. Haha. I will def work out though, because it honestly makes me feel better, much better than midol. haha.

Also, after yesterday's post I decided to start appreciating myself as much as I can. I can't keep focusing on small stupid things, like I did especially in high school. I need to not be so sensitive to every little comment made. Although it would be nicer if people just didnt keep talk about things that bother me, or make me start to be bothered by things because they are repeated so often. heh :-)

Have a good day!

Shorts

I woke up this morning at 4am thinking it was time to get up (I normally wake up at 5am). I blame the time change.

When I woke up though I was stretching and happened to put my hand on my legs, and geesh, they are feeling pretty buff. Woo hoo! This makes me want to keep at it.

I think I have gotten through the hardest part of this whole lifestyle change, which is getting my ass in gear and paying more attention to what I put in my mouth and how much I work out. Now that my legs are getting more tone, as well as everything else, I want to keep at it. And every muscle that grows stronger, the want to keep at it grows stronger.

I had told Mike last summer that I will never be okay with wearing shorts. Even back in high school when i weighed 98 lbs and was doing water polo and swimming (so I am sure I looked pretty decent, although at the time I had no idea) I didnt have the confidence to show off my legs. On Saturday, after my run, I craved wearing shorts outside because I could show off my legs. I ended up not doing it though, even though it was about 85 degrees this weekend (yes, I am in California where the rent is ridiculous but the weather is great). I don't remember why, but I know that by this next summer I might finally have the confidence needed to wear shorts! This is a huge step for me. You have no idea.

For some reason I was always the person to make fun of, the most. I still am. Or maybe I just am more sensitive. I dont know. I never make fun of people's appearance though, maybe because I am more in tune to how it feels to be made fun of.

When I was in high school people would say I had no boobs and try to make fun of me for it. Then they would say I was pasty. Then they would make fun of my nose. Then my fine hair. It seemed never ending.

Now my good friends (none of the ones who used to make fun of me all the time) don't make fun of my appearance. Not because the nose changed, or I became tan over night, or whatever, but they just don't. They do make comments about my boobs still though. But now instead of being too small they are "big" even though I am a size B. I don't get it. It makes me pretty self conscious, even though they say its good. But now I notice how certain shirts don't fit me right because of them, etc. I find this very strange though, these comments about them. It is weird to get teased all through high school for being too small (I was the same size pretty much) and now for being big. I don't get it.

I always felt like I was always the one who got picked on. I still get picked on a lot for the way I tell stories (awkwardly, always missing the punch line, etc). I have worked on it VERY HARD but am still not perfect, although noticeably better. I still feel frumpy in all my clothes, and I am not sure it will ever change.

Teddy and I were talking about our bodies yesterday. I had made some negative comment about something, and she said you know you don't have a bad body right? I said 90% of the time I am somewhat confident with the curves and what not, but the 10% of the time where I loathe it is when I say something. I wonder if this bad that I loathe it 10% of the itme, or maybe its good that it is only 10%.

Its not that I think my body is awesome, but its just not as bad as it could be. I am not athletic as I would like to be at all, but I am working on it, so I am not down on myself about that. I am not technically overweight, but I am more than I want to be to be healthy.

Heart disease and breast cancer runs in my family, so I would like to do whatever I can to not have to face these diseases.

I am happy with where I am at right now in my life. I am getting at least the health part together. I have a good job with decent pay. I have great friends and a great boyfriend and two of the cutest dogs in the world! ahah. One day I will be happy wearing shorts, even though I thought I never would. My confidence is growing and my future is looking brighter. If this is not a reason to stay on track, nothing is :-)

I am glad I woke up early this morning (or what would have been on-time last week) and was able to notice this. I want to be more positive. I don't want to bring people down, but I do know that sometimes you need to show your weaker side in order to grow. I am going to try to keep this balance better.

Oh by the way, today's food is exciting.

I had oat squares for breakfast (which has not been bothering me since the 2nd day of eating it). I will be eating 3 turkey/spinach wrap/pinwheel things from Whole Foods, as well as soy jerky, and reduced fat string cheese. mmmm. For dinner I will probably have one of my fake chicken meals! Mmmmm. I am so excited.

Also I plan on working out today. 30 minutes on the treadmill (interval running) and circuit training.

I hope you all have a great week. Thanks for all the comments you read. This has increased my happiness level to a whole new level!

Weekend Update

I can't say I have eaten the best this weekend, but I did make some great purchases! hahaha.

Oh also, I did a kick ass run yesterday and when I was done I weighed myself and I weighed the lowest I have weighed in years! 122.6. This morning it was a little more, but hey, I need to live in the glory that I CAN weight that much, that it is actually possible, and SOON.

I have not been the best at calorie counting though and feel like I might not be able to continue at the greatest rate with the purchases I made, because they don't really have nutritional information.

Yesterday I shopped at Trader Joes and bought some great stuff, including frozen stuffed peppers, inspired by the recipe from Grrrl Power. I am not going to make it though, I am just going to make the frozen stuffed peppers that they created with fake meat. Mmmm. I love fake meat. Mmm.

Also, I found out that the Whole Foods in Irvine/Tustin opened a few months ago. It was amazing!! The best whole foods I have ever seen. (although, honestly, I have only seen one other in San Diego). Not sure how I didn't know about it opening earlier, but oh well. I am sooo glad that I know NOW!

Mike and I went this morning and my friend Teddy met us there. It was free sample day so we got a ton of fun free samples! They were tiny so I didn't feel too bad about it.

Also I found a TON of great food. They had a HUGE section of the fake chicken (vegetarian/soy/whatever) which is amazing to me since I am allergic to chicken. I found chicken strips, chicken kabobs, and got to preview a TON of other fake chicken foods. MMMMMMM. I am sooo excited to try them, you have no idea.

I got some other good meals, including this turkey/spinach wrap and empanadas. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

As you can probably tell I am not a big cook, because really, who has the time? Hahha. I do like to cook, I just really like to do it quickly, and if there are methods to make it quicker and still tasty I am ALL for it.

Anyway, I got a lot of great stuff. Unfortunately I spent a lot of money (although frozen meals can last awhile!) and still have to buy water and avocados for our delicious carne asada dinner tonight :-) And just so you know, I will keep the portions small!

Also, why is it that I don't really snack on weekends but HAVE TO HAVE IT while at work? Maybe boredom makes me hungry. Hahah.

Well I just thought I would update, because I am soo excited about my time at Whole Foods! :-) I can see some great low-fat meals coming out of Whole Foods adventures! :-) Too bad it is more than 10 miles away. Won't stop me though! hahah.

I hope your weekend went well! Mine was pretty good! Oh and pretty relaxing. Awww.

I hope basketball season is not like my last week....

I have not been doing as well as I wish I had been doing, but I am not going to let me bring me down. I said this would be a lifestyle change, so there is no HUGE rush to the finish line. I would love to lose the weight faster than slower, but if I am changing my life by incorporating more exercise and healthier eating it can't be automatic, or it will probably never happen.

I am scared that I will just fall off the wagon if I give myself a break (ever!) but I can't be perfect and I dont want to be a mess.

I have been a major slacker on working out this week. But I will jump back on the wagon on Saturday and then go to the gym on Sunday. I feel better when I work out, both physically and mentally, so I will not give it up.

Plus... I have this blog to keep me accountable! :-)

This weekend though is all about basketball, and watching lots of it. :-) The Suns play a few times this weekend, including yesterday, which I have not watched yet (dont tell me what happened or I will hate you, haha). The event might involve pizza and beer, but I will just limit the portions.

Wish me luck in at least working out a lot this weekend ;-)

First Day of November

Last night Mike and I went to the grocery store while I was starving. I ended up buying pretty good stuff though. Health wise that is.

I had an INTENSE craving for Quaker Oat Squares. I am partially allergic to them, but I always pretend that maybe I am over it. and then I convince myself that it is mostly OATS not wheat. Well.... it has a lot of wheat in it and my tummy is not the happiest with me. I ate it for dinner last night (I was THAT hungry when I got home from the store). I took medicine to combat what would happen, and it did. But then I had it for breakfast today. I dont think it was a good idea to have it two meals in a row. Oh well. At least it is good for me, aside from the allergies right? ehh.

Because I ate the cereal though I was not very hungry the rest of the night. I had one Halloween candy thing, and then my mini candy ice cream bars that i found (for only 80 calories!). Oh and I ate part of a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie that my friend Teddy made. Mmmm.

I ended up not working out last night, which is usually don't do on Wednesday's anyway. Oh well.

I am supposed to go visit my friend tonight, to see her new place, and I am going to try to convince her to work out with me. Then we can proceed with girl night? heh. I hope it all works out. I really dont want to skip out on the workout because of social obligations. Blah.

the boyfriends parents were supposed to be in town this weekend, but unfortunately something came up and they can't. At least this means I can work out a lot more this weekend. I have to. I skipped Tuesday already because the San Diego show, so I need to make up for that.

One good thing though is that my weight went down to my lowest since I began this. Only by .1 lower than my lowest, but woo hoo! Not sure why I lost it because I have been eating a ton and not working out too much this week. I am not complaining though.... hahah

I hope everyone's Halloween went well. I just ended up staying in, watching a scary movie (pretty cheesey actually, like they all seem to be), and handing out candy to kids. We had a few more trick or treaters this time around! They are too cute!

I need to get on with my day now. Have a great first day of November!!