Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

So I am starting to get really frustrated with the whole not losing weight thing. Is there something wrong with me? What is so wrong with what I am doing? Am I supposed to starve myself to lose weight? What the hell?

I am eating right (80% of the time, when I used to about 10%) and am working our almost everyday. So what the hell else am I supposed to do? GRRRR.

Today I kicked ass at the gym. I went on the treadclimber thing for 47 minutes, and I had it on really hard (for me). I went the whole time.

What bothers me though when I am working out is when I forget a towel, because then I am sweating everywhere, which is distracting me, and people are probably looking at me like I am disgusting. Today I did NOT forget my towel, but 10 minutes into my run my towel dropped off. There is NO PAUSE for some stupid reason so I was unable to get my towel unless I wanted to start the whole exercise over. LAME. I ended up using my shirt instead, which is gross in itself. blah.

So I kicked ass today at the gym, I kicked ass the other day, and apparently it is worth nothing because I am NOT losing weight at all. In 2 months will I lose any weight? I am over listening to people tell me it will all come off at once, or maybe your scale is broken, or maybe you need to weigh yourself at a better time. Shouldnt the weight loss make up for that? Shouldn't I NOT be gaining weight. My scale said I weighed more than I ever have today. What the hell?

But I did make it to the new gym, nearby. Which I LOVED. Traffic wasn't terrible either, which is nice.

For dinner I was starving... to death... it felt. I wanted something quick. I opted for a trader joes sourdough english muffin, with a fried egg (not really FRIED, but the same style), lowfat cheese and avocado. I was still hungry when I was done, so I waited 20 minutes and finished off all of my water (like I have been training myself to do). I was STILL hungry. So I decided to make a lowfat dessert. I got my 100 cal fat free chocolate pudding, added light whip cream and added a bunch of strawberries. It was delicious and really filled me up.

Maybe I shouldnt have had that dessert, but it really wasn't THAT bad for me, especially after I burned over 500 calories at the gym.

I wish this would all get better soon. I can't handle not getting any positive results soon. I know I am getting more tone, but I am still fitting in my clothes the same way as before. Nothing is looser, so obviously I am not becoming leaner. I wish I had someone to inspire me. :-(

What the Hell? Heh

After working out for a month and a half now, about 3-5 days a week, and eating less, the scale has only budged up. AWesome, right?

Normally I would just give up, because really, what the hell is that? If I don't work out and eat more I lose weight? LAME. Maybe the gain in weight is actually just something very temporary, like water weight, or whatever. But either way, I am annoyed.

I am not going to give up though, because whether or not my scale is right, or the time of day I weigh is wrong, working out and eating healthier is something everyone should adapt to. I love the feeling after working out as well. I feel stronger, I feel proud of myself. I haven't felt proud of myself, anywhere outside of my job, for a long time. I think this might help other aspects of my life come together. I hope so!

I am trying to be positive and just convince myself that the weight gain is just something lame. People keep telling me it will fall off all of a sudden, but that is what they told me the first week I started and now I am on week 6. eh. It just doesn't sound physically possible to gain weight after doing everything better. Does it to you?

Anyway, last night at the gym, I ran a mile on the treadmill without stopping. I was proud of myself! I then continued to finish out the rest of the 30 mins I planned to be on it. I did not run the rest of the way though because my leg was cramping up. After the run I went and did a bunch of leg exercises on the leg machines. I can do 170lbs on the leg press now! Also on the leg exercise machines that works the outside and inner side of your legs, I can now do up to 100 lbs when I first started at 20. Woo hoo! I love the feeling when I have to up the weight level. Woo hoo! One problem though, when I was done with my cardio and leg workouts my bicep suddenly cramped up. It was too hard to hold my cellphone last night (and no it is NOT a Zach Morris phone). After grocery shopping, I went home, iced it, then heated it up. Then I drank a ton of water and ate a banana. That should have covered all bases. It is feeling a lot better today, but not all the way.

Yesterday I didnt eat the BEST but it wasn't terrible. I had a trader joes pop tart version (real fruit, wheat-like, etc). For snacks I had champagne grapes and a 100 cal pack cookie thing. For lunch I had my leftover mexican food (bad part) and then for dinner I ate my famous pasta. This is the pasta I ate for almost a year straight, because 1) I was poor 2) I had no time ot cook a real meal and 3) it tasted good. It is basically angel hair pasta with spicy red pepper sauce (which I add extra cayenne pepper to) and then some lowfat sharp cheddar cheese (don't knock it until you try it!). I also had a banana, mentioned above.

Today I had lucky charms for breakfast, and a peanut butter pretzel snack (high protein, and tasty!)> For lunch I have a frozen burrito thing (high protein again). I think for dinner I might have my trader joes fried rice and veggie egg rolls (with tofu, yum!) (low-fat, not really fried, with added egg for protein). It has a lot of veggies in it, and will be tasty! I will be on my own tonight, so I am also planning to get a lot of work done (after the work out).

Oh yeah, yesterday I encountered hardly any traffic so I just went to the gym right by my house. it is brand new and awesome. It saved me about 30-45 minutes in getting home. Hopefully I can do that again tonight. The new gym doesn't have circuit training, which I am not happy about, but it does encourage me to try new machines, which I am happy about it.

Wish me luck in staying motivated. And keep me motivated. This whole not actually losing weight is really annoying.

Weekend Relapse

i hope everyone's weekend went well. Not sure who I am talking to because I am not sure anyone even knows about this blog yet. on purpose.

anyway, my weekend was pretty good. On Friday night Mike and I went to the park with the pups. we ran around the park most of the way, and I did the monkey bars, and did pull ups. Some lady walked by me while I was doing my pull ups and complimented me saying she could never do that, no matter how hard she ever tried. it made me feel good.

After the park Mike and I went dinner. I did not get the healthiest of meals, but I did only eat part of it to make the decision a little better.

On Saturday, I spent the day vaccuming, cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom. At night, Teddy and Mike and I hung out. We had a good time. Just watched some television, etc. I really didn't eat much on Saturday, although what I did eat wasn't the greatest.

On Sunday, Mike and I woke up around 10, which was awesome. The dogs dont usually let me sleep in that long but this time they did! woo hoo! We ate a good breakfast, an egg sandwhich. mmmmmmm. I made it. it was delish! In the afternoon we met up with some friends for Disc Golf. The course in HB requires hill climbing and it takes forever to finish. It took us about 2.5 hours. We had a lot of fun though, and I think it counts as some sort of work out. Afterwards though we went to a mexican restaurant where I did not eat as good as I should have. oh well. I only ate half of the meal, which is sometimes better than what I normally do.

Today I have just worked all day. Kinda frustrated with some things, but won't get into it in the online word. I ate my mexican food leftovers. they were delish. mmm. prob terrible for me but I ate a small breakfast and will eat a small dinner tonight. not sure what, but it will be small.

How do people expect you to write good copy when a million and one people are talking around you? I need an office, i need to shut the door. this is really annoying, I can't concentrate at all. I have my ipod on to block out the noise (which only partially does) but that distracts me almost as much. blah. wish me luck in getting work done quickly.

Stomach Pain Part 2

so round 2 of my stomach all effed up. I blame it on the new birth control (the transition, not the pill itself). Can I just go home?

I am going to spend a few minutes imagining my weekend. Tonight, after work, I plan to go to the park with the dogs and Mike. I want to go running there, and do the pull ups.

For some reason I can run for an hour or so on an elliptical thing or treadmill without dying, but at an actual park I die after half a mile. not sure why that is. any ideas?

Anyway, so I am planning to run and do pull ups. awesome. good work out. and then I have been craving a margarita like mad. so maybe I will risk some calories for that. it has been more than a month since my last one. haha. that is awhile, right? I think so. haha.

On Saturday I need to clean my entire house. The dogs got fleas and they have invaded our house as well, in the matter of 2 days. eeek. So I will be working on vacuuming the house, cleaning up clutter and cleaning my bathroom. oh and do laundry (the bedding). so yeah. that should be fun.

On Sunday I plan on going for a walk with the dogs, either at dog beach or the mile sqaure park in fountain valley. this will be a good work out. if the walk doesn't happen I will just go to the gym. the rest of the day will be spent doing my side job work. blah.

I dont want to make plans to do stuff, like "fun stuff" because 1) i have no money and 2) i have a lot to get done and 3) getting this stuff done will relax me and not getting it done will drive me nuts.

in my weight notes: i still have not lost a significant amount of weight after more than a month of working out. I am noticing myself getting leaner though. I am a lot stronger now, and am trying new things. i dont feel like an absolute novice at the gym anymore.

So I havent told anyone this yet (not because i was trying to be nice, but because I forgot), but I totally saw this guy fly off the treadmill at the gym the other day. i felt really bad for him. he thought he could go faster than he could apparently. Maybe that is why I am so careful when I increase the speed. eek. I hope that is never me. but maybe because I said that, something like that will happen to me.

So, i forgot the most important part of what I was going to say, and that is: I plan on sleeping a lot this weekend.

Oh and my friend is going through major depression so I am trying to help her, and helping her may distract in my plans to get stuff done. I would like to be selfish and get it done, but I am not that person. I am easily persuaded to be nice to my friends and forget about me. blah.

oh so last night, when I was hanging out with my friend I ate a tiny trader joes Mediterranean pizza thing (very low fat). I was starving when I finished but I waited 20 minutes, drank a ton of water and then was still hungry (like usual). We made plans to go to the grocery store because she had to go to the bank and the bank is inside the grocery store. I decided to get my low fat ice cream. I bought it and everything, took it home, and never ended up eating it. at least not last night ;-) I was really planning on eating it, and I avoided eating more to satiate my hunger, but decided to hold off for dessert. but I never ate the dessert. woo hoo. I wasn't hungry after that for some reason. Maybe I need to STOP listening to my body when I am starving (even after I eat a full meal).

will my stomach ever be normal? gah!

I hate anxiety

So i have read about recovering addicts having dreams about doing a ton of drugs all at once. I had a dream last night that involved a free food for all. it was all kinds of junk food, in mass proportions, for free. I remember in the dream I told myself to choose the trail mix because it would take me awhile to eat, and had some healthy stuff in it.

i cant believe I had that dream. Like I am addicted to junk food like an addict is addicted to crack. weird.

my day has been alright over all. For some reason though I am having problems breathing. it is like I am forgetting to breathe or something. Not sure what that is about but I am feeling light headed because of it. I am also very tired, so this is not helping much. haha.

For breakfast today I had an english muffin with a little bit of reduced fat peanut butter. For my snack I had a 100 cal cookie pack from trader joes. For lunch I had a lean cuisine, the potato, cheese and broccoli dish. Yum. I also had a 100 cal barnum snack. I need to buy different snacks, all I have left are choccolate.

For dinner tonight my goal is to just have something simple. maybe a wrap or something.

I plan on going to the gym tonight as well. I will probably do the stairclimber for 20 mins then do weights. That plan kicks my ass every time, but it is always worth it.

I canNOT wait for the weekend. thankfully, this weekend has gone by much faster. I can't wait to sleep this weekend and clean my house! I have not made any plans yet, and would like to keep this weekend pretty low key. I want go on a long walk with the pups and Mike. I also might consider laying out by the pool. I will also be super cleaning my house, and getting info from my current computer to transfer to my new computer :-)

What is this breathing thing? Am I having an anxiety attack? geesh. Okay, 15 minutes later it is calming down. I am beyond tired though, but all anxiety so what am I supposed to do while at work? Its not like I can go take a nap. blah.

Wednesday Evening

So today was my day off, exercise wise. I did work out 3 days in a row though, and everyday I used weights so I probably needed it. But today was dog park day, and so I just take it as a day off. I did end up doing about 50 crunches though. I hate those with a passion, but I succeeded.

I ended up eating fast food though. Mike insisted we get Arbys. I wasn't entirely hungry, but I was too tired to make food, so I decided I would do it. Blah. I got the kids meal, which theoretically shouldn't be too bad. Mike got me water instead of soda to somewhat support my "healthier" plan. It was a good idea too, and very sweet of him. I feel kinda beyond full now, but oh well. Time to move on to tomorrow, a brand new day.

My goal tonight is to get some sleep. I should be getting my new computer soon (perhaps Monday) so I need to make sure the area around it is clean and not cluttered. Funny how I clean for an inanimate object right? haha. I will not be getting much sleep once I get the computer. I have gotten a few side gigs going on, and will be trying to take care of those soon so I can actually pay for the computer. I will also need to be teaching myself how to build websites. It will be a lot of work, but I have accomplished more. I have to do this if I want a house someday. Plus I know I will enjoy the actual work I am doing, just perhaps not the time it takes away from relaxation. Oh well, you have to have some sacrifices every once in awhile.

My Stomach Sucks

Oh man, my stomach is NOT feeling good today. Not sure what happened, but it is all crampy. Could be a million and one things. Who knows. It has gotten a bit better since this morning, but I was seriously considering taking a sick day where I work from home. For some reason, this feeling made me crave french fries and a BRC burrito. And then when lunch time rolled around there was a meeting going on in the lunch room that I couldnt interrupt. So I had no good excuse to skip the whole eating a burrito thing.

I ended up going to El Pollo Loco and got their BRC burrito, which by the way was TINY!! I put their avocado salsa in it and put a few french fries in it. I barely ate any fries though because they really weren't that great, and if I am going to eat that much fat I have to enjoy it all the way. Also, I did end up getting a soda, but I made sure to fill it with half diet coke and half dr. pepper. This way it is less calories (half) and it isn't nasty. The soda helps to sooth my stomach a bit (the carbonation) so it was a must. This was my one day out for lunch for the week. It was pretty tasty so I think it was worth it. Plus, it really could have been worse for me. I was craving del taco really bad, but passed it up, knowing that the veggie burrito is around 700 calories or something ridiculous. I think the burrito I just ate is in the 200's which is much better than in the 700s. Plus, it is a perfect protein. Yum!

Tonight my plans are to take the dogs to dog park. I think I am going to work out at home afterwards. Maybe finally do some crunches (wow). haha.

Alright, I am going to head out now. Hopefully my stomach starts feeling better, otherwise I might die. hah.

Tuesdays are lame

so I work at a place that is mostly made up of guys. I think I mentioned this before, and that they are mostly gym/sport buffs. All they seem to talk about when it comes to food is protein this, no carbs that.This kind talk gets on my nerves. They judge you if you eat something bad. They give me dirty looks and make weird comments about my LEAN CUISINE pizza, because it looks "bad". They are the type that will not eat fruit because there are carbs in them. GAHH!! Have they not heard of actually being healthy? We NEED carbs. geesh.

They also talk about what they did at the gym last night. And I have been going to the gym a few times a week for almost a month, so it is almost like I can participate in the convo, but the thing is I am never even invited. it seems like getting a better body is the only thing important to them. oh and motorcorss.

I try to ignore them, but I can't help getting frustrated from their comments every so often.

It bugs me when they think someone can be perfect. I can't.

One cool thing though is that my friend is giving me her collection of good work out music. Hip hop music, etc. I am excited to get it! I downloaded ludacris last night because I think it is silly to listen to, and it makes me want to try harder at the gym.

By the way, the food stuff today is not too terrible today.

For breakfast I had lucky charms cereal (again, I can't eat the healthy cereal bc it makes me sick).

My snack was fruit (pineapple) and Barnum and Baileys 100 cal pack.

My lunch was the lean cuisine pizza (French bread style) and a 100 cal pack of ritz mix.

I plan on chugging lots of water this afternoon to keep me awake, and so I am not starving.

I am going to the gym when I get off work. I think I am going to do weights for about 30 minutes and then go home an do laundry. I have no more sport bras left and would like to work out on thursday. I dont want to skip the gym because I am too lazy to put my laundry away. I will work on this tonight. I am all alone tonight, so it should be fine. I also have some other work to do, but I really want my new computer first for that (which should be here by Monday!!).

Alright, gotta head out! Please wish me luck in keeping the stress down.

Awesome!!

So after work, I was really frustrated with myself. So I decided if I can't control how things work out in one situation, I know that I definitely can control my health (at least the physically fit part). I went to the gym, and decided to go on the treadmill. Normally I just walk fast, but this girl next to me was just sprinting for like the first 3 minutes of my run so I decided I would ease my way into running on the treadmill, starting today.

The way that I eased my way into running is by running at speed 4.0 mph for one minute, then walking at 3.2 mph for the next. After about 15 minutes of this I had to walk for 2 and then run for 1. I kicked a lot of ass and worked out on it for 55 minutes instead of my normal 35 minutes. Woo hoo! I am soo proud of myself.

Plus today I show a 1lb loss on the scale. Big deal for me, because normally I never lose the weigh no matter how hard I work. So maybe I am doing something right this time.

I am starving, and need to eat dinner, but I just had to write about this. Maybe just on a high from the gym? heh.

I think tonight I will either have my turkey wrap thing or this trader joes mini vegetable pizza thing (its a Mediterranean kind I guess?) that is very tasty and low in fat, etc.

Weekend Update

I hope everyone's weekend went well. Mine did for the most part.

On Friday I skipped the gym because the fiber one bars are KILLING me. and I was beyond sore. At night I went out with some friends, as well as Mike. We went to Chili's which I have never been to before. It was a lot of fun, although the calories were not.

On Saturday, Mike and I went for a walk at the mile square park with our pups. It is a 4 mile trek and it was a lot of fun. The dogs were too tired at the end of it though, we need to increase their stamina. We had to keep stopping and letting them rest. But even when they were resting they were smiling their little faces off. After that we went to souplantation, which although more healthy than options like chilis, it was still buffet style so I ate more than usual. I ate a HUGE salad though and it was delish!! mmmm. They have the best salads.

Later that night we went grocery shopping. We went to Trader Joes and picked up some great stuff. Then we went to a loca produce store, which had a ton of great fruit. I ended up buying a ton, and then forgot to pack my lunch with it today. Oh well. We also went to Vons, and I bought my lunches for the week (lean cuisine, heh). We then watched the movie Half Nelson, which I was not really a fan of. Oh well.

On Sunday, Mike and I made our traditional sunday morning breakfast. Well its not a certain breakfast, its just that we eat a yummy breakfast almost every sunday. This Sunday we made apple muffins. They were delish, and weren't as terrible as they could have been, but were really not that great for us. After watching some Sunday morning television, I went to the gym! WoW! I worked out twice on a weekend. I never do that. it was awesome. I went to the brand new gym by my place. It was really really nice, although did not have the circuit training thing I love. I ended up doing 35 minutes on the elliptical, and then a ton of weight lifting things. I think it was good that they didnt have the elliptical because then I worked other muscles I don't usually focus on. I am already getting sore in the shoulders.

Today I have eaten a left over apple muffin. yum. And had my coffee. I also encountered traffic, which was entirely awesome. Apparently it was sprinkling so there were a million accidents on the freeways. California drivers do NOT know how to drive in any sort of weather condition, because we never have real "weather". I packed my lunch today with a salad with carrots, peppers, a hard boiled egg and some sunflower seeds. yum! I also bought some 100 calorie oatmeal chocolate chip cookie packs from Trader Joe's. They are amazing. I am disappointed I forgot my fruit, but I guess that means I just eat a lot at dinner or something. Oh well.

I am really nervous about not having money right now. I just bought a new computer and am not sure how I am going to pay it off. I am sure I will, but I am scared I will need to get another job. The computer was bought with a Dell Card, and I get 6 months interest free, but once the interest kicks in, the interest rate is CRAZY high. Geesh. So I want to pay it off before then. So lets see how that works out.

Now that I have plans to move to Austin, I need to start cutting credit card debt out of my life, because I plan on buying a house in a year or so. I need my credit to be awesome so that I can qualify for a loan AND not have an incredibly high interest rate. Blah. STRESS!! ]

Alright, I need to work now.

Friday

so today I am beyond tired. Mike convinced me to drink a glass of wine last night. I ended up drinking 2 very full glasses. lets just say my head aches today. not as much right now, but it definitely did this morning. haha.

I managed to chug down some water this morning, a bowl of cereal and a coffee. I found this coffee beverage at trader joes that is less fattening and has more caffeine than my regular starbucks coffee beverage. I bought only one though :-( I think I will be buying more. Plus they are cheaper. woo hoo.

I ate a fiber one bar and grapes for the morning snacks. And for lunch today I had the same wrap as last night. delish. I also had a 100 cal pack of cheez-its. Right now, although I am technically not very hungry, if at all, I am craving frozen yogurt like crazy. I avoided it though. I dont think you can buy frozen yogurt alone. it is a social food, I think. But instead I was going to have some of my 100 cal cookies pack. but then I realized I wasn't hungry, I was just craving. So I am going to try to save the snack for a little later.

For dinner, Mike and I might go out. I am trying to think of somewhere cool, that is not that bad for you. Maybe we can do olive garden. mmm. One of their pastas is not that bad, and is my favorite!! hmmm...................and its right next door to us, literally.

alright, well I need to go finish some things up and start to enjoy my weekend at 330pm!

Tomorrow is Friday?

I wrote the title like I felt Friday came fast. It didn't.

So, I think I should take the sign of my scale breaking as a means to stop paying attention to that, and start paying attention to how I feel, how my clothes fit, and how much I can kick ass at the gym.

While at the gym today I saw this girl who was super in shape. She ran on the treadmill at high speeds for over 30 minutes. I can't even run, I can only walk fast at high intensity. She inspired me.

I only did 35 minutes of cardio today and skipped the weights. This is good anyway, because once I got back, I felt really sore from last nights work out. It is crazy how much more squats hurt me than the leg press at the gym. geesh.

After the gym I went to trader joes and picked up some avocados, turkey and the best tortillas ever. I made a turkey wrap with it. I added those ingredients listed above, as well as some light cream cheese and jalepenos. It was delicious. I might make it for my lunch tomorrow. Maybe I could drop the cream cheese, but hey, I was not THAT bad today. I even wanted dessert tonight, so I just ate a 100 cal chocolate pudding cup. yum!

The only thing that was bad is that I didn't stop eating when I wasn't hungry. Meaning I knew I wasn't hungry anymore, but I still wanted to eat because it tasted good. I should have given that up, but oh well.

I think I am going to head to the shower, fix my lunch for tomorrow, pack my gym bag then head to bed. I have had a long day today. Plus a killer headache. I took pain medication TWICE today, and I never take medicine. Geesh!! BUT at least I did not use it as an excuse to not work out. Woo hoo!

White Shoes

so this morning I woke up, pretty sure that if I stepped on the scale I would be in a bad mood. but I stepped on it anyway. when i got on it said I was 15 lbs less than the morning before. obviously wrong. so then i took a shower, got out, dried off and stepped on it again. now it was about 5 lbs more than normal (and if that is true I will be pissed). THEN I waited a few minutes and tried it again. It would not turn on. so, obviously it is broken. I am going to go to the gym today and see how much I am there. obviously not the 15 lbs less than last time I checked. but maybe I am lower, and not higher than I thought I got for a little bit.

Maybe it will explain why the more I work out and eat less, the more I gain. Maybe it will prove that my scale was just a POS.

So, today, this is what I have eaten so far.

Breakfast
Lucky Charms (hey I am allergic to all the healthy cereals... and I like sweets in the morning)

Morning Snack
100 cal ritz crackers pack

Lunch
Lean Cuisine Potatoes with Broccoli and Cheese (absolutely amazing, I could eat this everyday)

Snack
2 mini snickers bars (then I took the rest of the package and put it in the break room so that all the boys can eat them instead

Plans for Dinner
No plans. Might go to trader joes on the way home and buy turkey and avocado and pepperchinies (sp?). This guy at my work eats it everyday (and is a marathon runner), and now I want it. yum. it has protein and is healthy. too bad I cant eat wheat bread (i guess for health reasons, but for taste reasons I am glad I can't, hah).

I am going to go to the gym today after work. I plan to do 30 mins of cardio. Maybe I will go on the treadmill, with high intensity, high hills, etc. Then I want to do the circuit training but I have been lifting weights for 2 days in a row, so I might need to skip it. I read something that said if you dont let the muscles repair they cant build. I dont know if I believe it because my brothers work out every single day, and they are HUGE. But I am not a scientist. Also, I did not read that from a study, just from someone commenting on some random diet book they read sometime somewhere.

By the way, the greatest part of the day today is the fact that I am wearing two different shoes. I didnt notice until 145pm, and I have been at work since 630am. They do look similar, but they are definitely different. It is quite embarrassing, but no one has seemed to notice. I doubt they will if I didn't after being in them for hours. haha.

So is it true you can weigh more during TOM? I am going to research this.

Tonight I have some alone time. Mike has class tonight. I think I am going to get some errands done and then catch up on some girly television. :-)

TOM

So the whole eating healthy thing didn't work out too well. My TOM started today so I felt I deserved to eat whatever the hell I wanted (in small amounts).

Breakfast
Slim-Fast

Morning Snack
Fiber One Chocolate Chip Bar

Lunch
Carne Asada Quesadilla (only ate 1/4 of it because it was not very good)
Chips
Soda (BOO!)

Afternoon Snack
Fruit

Dinner
Rubios Kids Meal, Bean and Cheese burrito, chips, Soda (BOO), mini churro.


I just looked up the nutritional on the kids meal and it was 920 calories. HOLY MOLY!! No matter I felt so nauseous when I was done with it. EWWW. That is basically everything I am supposed to eat all day, give or take a few calories. I am counting today as my one bad day of the week. gross. Why is a kids meal so bad for you? that really grosses me out. What the hell? I thought I was eating better. I could have had the shrimp burrito, stuffed with sour cream and eaten less calories. gross.

Anyway, at least I did do some exercise today. Mike and I went to the park today to walk the dogs. I got 6 pull ups, and actually did the entire monkey bars TWICE!!! I can't believe I finished them!! Woo hoo!! I am SOO proud of myself. Mike is too.

Then at home, while watching Top Chef, I initiated some work outs. I did a bunch of squats, calf exercises, arms and shoulder exercises -- all with weights!! I got all hot and sweaty, which I think proves it worked.

Now my cramps kicked in and I am dead. I am probably going to to bed soon, just so I can get past this lower back pain and the killer cramps. Geesh.

Tomorrow I will do better, food wise. I will also work out at the gym.

Tuesday

It has been awhile since I wrote. I dont have very much time when I get home, what with the gym, having to eat and relaxing.

I will go over what has been going on since I last wrote.

Thursday, I worked, then went to the gym. Ate very well.

Friday, I missed my exit on the freeway for the gym, and decided to go to dog park instead. Mike and I took the dogs on an actual walk at the Huntington Beach Central Park. They have an exercise course there, so I did a few of those things, as well as the walk. I did about 3.5 pull ups (which is HUGE for me). I also ALMOST made it across the monkey bars. I did it twice and was one or two bars from the end. Last time I tried I could barely make it to the second one. I am so proud of myself! I also ate very well for a Friday. For my once a week lunch treat I have been going to Baja Fresh and getting the bean and cheese burrito kids meal. it comes with a mini burrito, apple sauce and rice. I ate the meal throughout the day and it was awesome. I think I will eat the same thing next friday!

On Saturday, Andrea came over. We did some shopping at Irvine Spectrum and ate lunch there. I had an incredibly fat day that day. When I weighed myself that morning I weighed more than when I started this whole health fitness deal. I was soo annoyed. Plus it was hotter than I expected, so I had to take off the sweater and the shirt underneath was very tight. Made me feel fat. Plus the shirts there that I tried on were too small. My boobs have grown. Although I kinda like them, I feel like make me look fat. blah. After hanging out with Andrea, Mike and I watched Sicko. After watching that I 1) want to move to a country with universal health care and 2) fear getting something actually life threatening because I think I may get screwed by the health insurance I pay for EVERY effing month. awesome. I loved the movie though, and am glad that the issue was brought to the table. The movie hit close to home for me, because my Grandma died at the young age of 62 because the doctors effed up. Also my nephew passed away a few months ago because the doctors effing up as well.

On Sunday, Mike and I went shopping. I had to go underwear shopping because I had a gift certificate to VS and I needed underwear. I felt gross though because I had to buy a size up. I only bought a few pairs, so hopefully, but the end of this journey I they will be too big :-) I ate really well for a Sunday. I had a protein rich breakfast burrito and then a regular bean and cheese burrito later. I think I also had a dreyers light icr cream bar (that was amazing).

On Monday, I worked all day. I then went to dog park with the dogs, although the actual dog park so I didnt really get any exercise. I ate very well this day. My hunger has not been as overbearing. I snacked very little on Monday and found a new meal by Lean Cuisine that I LOVE. It is the steak and chedder sandwhich. It tasted so good that I feel maybe it wasn't as health friendly as it sells itself as. The nutrition info looked good though (aside from the sodium, blah blah blah). I had half a jamba juice for dinner, and it was tasty. I had no idea they were THAT high in calories, which is why I only ate half. It was tasty though, and very high in fiber, etc.

Today I worked all day. Even though I drank a LITER of iced tea I was still tired ALL day. And I drank the iced tea throughout the day so I dont think it was a crash. I was just tired. I think I will go to bed earlier tonight. I dont know how some people can survive on 4 hours a night all the time. Another reason why I could never be a parent. I ate well today for the most part. I had reduced peanut butter (which was surprisingly great!) on toast. It was actually a little much so early in the morning. I had 2 100 cal snacks total today, some fruit, and the pepperoni pizza lean cuisine. The lean cuisines are sooo great because they really fill me up and they make me eat more protein, which is rare for me to eat at all. I also took a walk during my lunch. It was nice, and made me feel better (more awake) for a little while.

I also worked out today! Woo hoo! I went on the stair climber for 20 mins (that thing KICKS my butt everytime). I then did the 24 hour circuit training thing. I have been increasing the weights significantly and doing great. I can already see an improvement in strength. I just wish I could see it on the scale, in the mirror, and in my clothes. I know I need to be patient, but gah! I am going to try to just focus on being excited about the newfound strength I am gaining.

Oh yeah, I bought a new computer (through Dell, so not here yet) on Sunday. I am soo excited to get it. I am bought it so that I could more easily learn how to build websites manually (hand coded, etc). This will be a great addition to my current skills, and make me make a LOT more money further down the road. Woo hoo!

I am still all anxious at work. Still think they are going to fire me. I have screwed up once, but it really wasn't my fault. But it still looks bad on me. I am probably just being paranoid, but I would be completely screwed if they fired me. I am sure I could find another job, but for the most part I like this job. Not that excited about everything there, but the job itself is awesome. It is exactly what I like to be doing. I just wish I could be more awake for it at all moments. hahah.

Tomorrow I plan on going to the park with Mike. We are going to the one where we actually walk the dogs and do the exercise course stuff. Woo hoo!

I am doing my laundry right now by the way. I am happy about it, because now I only have my skinny clothes clean, and those depress me right now.

Girl time starts sometime soon. Also, I got my birth control swtiched. WOO HOO!!! So I will be starting Demulen on Sunday. Hopefully it will get rid of the worst problems in Aleese, and then hopefully continue to help with my skin, and perhaps promote weight loss? haha.

Alright, I need to go get my laundry. Wish me luck getting through this freaking week.

Blah

Today is one of those days where you just don't feel right. Plus, it is also not fun when you have no one to talk to about it. When all your friends need their own help and can't deal with having to deal with your problems. Oh well. I should just get over it.

I couldn't work out today. I had to take the dogs to dog park.

We now have a schedule. Monday walk dogs, Tuesday gym, Wednesday dog park, Thursday gym, Friday gym, Saturday gym, Sunday gym or dog beach.

I hope I can fit this all in. That has been my biggest problem recently. fitting in all the stuff I want to do. I can't handle it on some days, today included.

Plus the traffic I face everyday is absolute hell. Either the 405 needs to be wider or people need to realize the cost to live here is not worth it. I know that, and will be donating my space on the 405 in a year or so.

Can you tell I am moody today? I need an outlet, so I hope this works.

Also, I am getting the problem with the excessive hungry urge again. Whenever I am not eating my stomach tells me to eat by giving me the sign that I am deathly hungry even when I shouldn't be. I fear I could have diabetes, even though no one in my family has had it, and I am not overweight. Also, it might be another ulcer. They come and go. I will need to suck on some Mylanta for a few days if so.

After I eat I feel hungrier, then it calms down about 20 minutes after I am done. Then 10 minutes later my stomach is in pain again. Awhile later, I eat something and its the same cycle. If I don't eat I get all shaky, irritable and want to pass out. What the hell is wrong with me? I need to see a doctor, but don't want to deal with taking off time from work. Plus, my stomach hurt so bad today I had no idea what my boss told me when he came over to talk to me. Awesome, right? Blah.

Vacation Woes

Although being on vacation for most of last week was a good time, it was not a good time for the diet.

All the water weight I could have lost in the heat of Arizona while visiting my brother (which is already back) was countered with the fact that I ate Carne Asada burritos AND WaffleHouse. Although both meals were totally worth it I am going to have to kick ass this week.

I had to stay 30 minutes late today to try to clear something up at work. Rather, fix something that needed fixing immediately. Because I left 30 minutes later I encountered a crap load of traffic. I didn't get the exit for my gym until around 530, and at that time the gym is sooo packed that you have to stand in line to work out. I told myself I would just work out instead, after going to the grocery store. Unfortunately, my commute home took 2 hours instead of what should really be a 40 minute trek. To say I was annoyed would be the understatement of the year.

I ended up going to the store before going home. I bought a bunch of healthy, or at least low fat foods. I bought a few lean cuisines that my sister-in-law recommended as well as a bunch of fruit, yogurt and cereal. I was soo hungry when I got home (around 730 pm) that I resorted to eating a bowl of cereal instead of making a real meal. I never ended up going to the gym. I just ate the cereal and watched my Netflix. Lazy, right? blah.

I did make my lunch for tomorrow, after I was recharged. Tomorrow (for lunch and snacks) I will eat herb and spinach ravioli, carrots, a fruit bowl thing (pre-cut assortment of fruit), a yogurt, a granola bar, a mini DP and a coffee.

BTW, I have been eating a ton of yogurt this week. Not because of the low fat deal, but for other health reasons. Acidolphilus (sp?) can really fix a lot of different health problems. Woo hoo! Too bad I generally hate yogurt. But I got the low-fat kind instead of fat-free and it was delish. I know it isn't good calories wise as much, but all the fat-free yogurt is now made with splenda it seems and I HATE the taste of Splenda. YUCK!

I need to head to bed in a few minutes. I should have 30 minutes ago, but I am stressing out about the fact that I have $19 in my bank account until Friday afternoon. AHHH.

Have a good one!

Counting My Calories

I read several blogs about diet, fitness and calorie counting everyday. I am trying to get new ideas on what I can do to make my changes in regards to my diet and fitness goals a life chage rather than a temporary change like most regular "diets". One thing that I started and use everyday is My Fitness Pal. This website gives you a free calorie counter to help you when you need to learn how to count your calories. It helps me because it makes me pay attention to calorie counting so I can learn what proportions are right for me. Once I figure out what choices are best to make I will learn how to make them from now on.

Today I used their free calorie counter to figure out my best choices for lunch. I ended up choosing a much better choice for lunch at Baja Fresh. I got the kids meal instead of a regular burrito and saved myself around 300 calories+. I am glad I started to use this because it actually makes me pay attention to the calories I consume. I have been using it for over a year now, although not as consistently as I wish.

My friend who has lost 145 lbs uses My Fitness Pal, not only as a tool but as a social community as well. She has created several friends within their community, which she attributes to helping her stay strong in her weight loss struggles. If only I was able to consistently lose weight like her and stick to my goals. Maybe if I use this more often I will be able to.

What is best about My Fitness Pal though is that everything is completely free! It allows you to track your food, find out calories and local fast food joints and join in conversations about weight loss. Definitely check it out if you are serious about improving your lifestyle, health wise.

Although this is a sponsored review, it is still something I really truly use!

Holidays

Holidays destroy your weight loss plan. I have no time to work out this week and am eating bad foods.

I am not good in controlling what I eat. I can control the portions, but not what exactly I put in my mouth. I blame it on being happy with who I am with. But I really only have myself to blame.

I ate pretty terrible yesterday with all the BBQ food around, and the guilty feelings of not eating what is served (attributed to how my family raised me).

I am going to Arizona to visit my brother this weekend. Not sure there will be many healthy options there.

Also I was so tired today I did not make my lunch. So now I have to go buy lunch but nothing sounds good. So not sure what I will be doing with that. I plan to eat healthy food tonight, or my body might just shut down.

Next week I plan on sticking back to the healthy dose of eating exercise and eating better.

I went to the doctor a few days ago and my blood pressure was in the above normal area (barely). It might be because I was basically having a panic attack. Or maybe the curse of high blood pressure in my family is finally kicking in. Either way, I need to take action now. It is my fault if my blood pressure goes to danger zones.

Another thing that is bothering me right now is if the image I have myself is wrong. Sometimes I feel I think I am bigger than I am, and other times I think I am smaller than I am. I am not sure what I really am. I know I need to take control of it right now though. Maybe I can figure out someway to eat healthy for lunch today. I hope so...